Our Ladies by Alan Warner

Author:Alan Warner [Warner, Alan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473583092
Publisher: Random House

It’s a Marsupial Thing

In the Pill Box, Kylah was up the karaoke doin Somebody To Love. It was obvious she was going to tank it.

It’s obvious she’s goan to tank it, says Chell so all attention turned back to Chell again, Manda an Orla were on either side of her, but they’d gathered a weird retinue. A guy in an anorak called Danny, who had a plastic bag wi books in it; Kylah an Chell had brought him from the foyer of the Highland Club an he’d insisted on showing the girls where the Pill Box was. Then joining them.

The guy in the velcro suit, who’d been stuck upside down against the wall over by the trampoline most of the afternoon, had finally interpreted his previous snubs as excuse enough to sit down at the table with a pint. Then there was The Divorcee, who’d recently moved into Velcro Suit’s flat. They were all paying attention, an would pay even closer attention when Chell put up a nail-varnished finger to touch the ring on her pierced eyebrow. Chell touched the ring on her pierced eyebrow an says, Here’s another. This is another true story about the Port. We had these male strippers comin to the Mantrap which is just a brilliant nightclub. We go there every Saturday night that they’ll let us in. But this was a really poxy bunch of strippers, like they were the third cousins of the Chippendales, a swear some of them were disabled an there were only a couple of bonkable ones, so they’re down to their G-strings and we’re all going mental, all the women, y’know? An when the nicest whipped off his G-string, an threw it into the crowd, it came right over an hit my pal Fionnula, who was beside me; it hit her right in the eye, then she got knocked over, cause all these right old boots were fighting over it, aye? Like that game up in Orkneys or somewhere: all the men fight for that leather ball, pretending it’s an Englishman’s head, ha ha! Well all the old boots were fighting for the guy’s G-string an one went off wi it. Couple ah days later Fionnula’s eye is all swole, runny an weepy so she thinks its been damaged by the fuckin flying G-string. She goes to the doctor an it turns out on that eye, all her eyelashes an eyebrow is infested wi pubic lice.

Aww, yugser!

Doesn’t that just, scum ya out!

Look that girl over there, look at her dancin, that’s the weirdest dance ave seen for yonks.

Where?

Her over there by that pillar, Manda goes.

There was a girl by a pillar, she was standing straight but as Somebody To Love, wi Kylah on vocals, overwhelmed the sound system, the dancin girl was moving her left leg three times to the right, really close to the floor then she did this silly little turn an moved her other foot, the right one, cross the floor, turned an repeated, left foot, right foot.

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